Saturday, January 19, 2013

I am so blessed.

So I haven't made a whole lot of deep, profound posts. But this morning I am feeling both deep and profound so hold on, this is going to be a good one.

I am truly such a blessed person. There are a lot of things that have happened in my life (both good and bad) that have made me realize that. My logic in life is that you can never know true happiness unless you have felt true sorrow. It's true sometimes life throws so much at you that you just don't know how to take another step. And then you take it, and everything else falls into place. So yeah. Life is hard, it's supposed to be hard, if it wasn't hard, if everyday there wasn't some struggle we face, why would we be here?

As most of you know, a few years ago, in February of 2009 my mom, my best friend and my hero, was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I found this out, I couldn't even stand up, my mom, the strongest person in the world, the woman who had protected me and taken care of me for my whole life, was now in immediate danger. At this moment. I was terrified that I might lose my best friend. Everything else I was stressed or worried about, school, mean girls, rumors, it all flew out the window and seemed like such a silly, trivial minor detail. My best friend was very sick, and there was nothing medically I could do for her. I felt helpless and scared. But then I thought, if you feel this way, imagine how helpless and scared mom feels. For her I knew I had to be strong, to be brave, and to help her with everything I could for as long as she needed me. It was a long 6 months of chemo, and an even longer 6 months of radiation, but at last it was over and my mother was in remission, this February will be her 4th year cancer free. She is almost considered "cured". I know that I will never again take her for granted. She is the most amazing person on this planet. She is my best friend, and the person I turn to for everything. She is my hero. She, is my mom.

I am so blessed to have such an amazing role model in my life, if I am half the mom to my kids as she is to me, I'll know in doing just fine.

Another experience that has made me realize how blessed I am is my wonderful husband. Keith is so amazing. Yesterday we watched the very last episode of Everybody Loves Raymond on Netflix, I started thinking about how we started watching Raymond when Keith broke his arm and we had to sleep on the living room floor on two separate air mattresses because he kept rolling towards me to cuddle and I'd hurt his arm.

If you don't know what happens in the last episode of Raymond, he has to get his adenoids out, and he had a hard time coming out of anesthesia. For just a moment, Deb thought she had lost him.

Seeing this brought me back to that moment that we got in that stupid accident. I was going too fast, and I should have slowed down. My first thought was "did Keith get off the four wheeler?" I knew that if he hasn't he would certainly have been badly injured. Then I heard him saying my name. He picked me up, and then he saw his wrist, and I saw his wrist. It was broken, badly. And we were at the top of the mountain. Thankfully Keith's uncle and dad and Maria and Tammy were there, I got on with Tammy and Keith got on with Dennis and we made our way down the mountain. When we got to the hospital Keith was in so much pain. Seeing him like that was the most awful experience in the world. All I could do was hold him. Then they sent us to Payson because the break was too bad for them to fix. Keith now was aware he would have to go under anesthesia, he was so scared. He had never had surgery before and he was afraid. We got there and they let me hold his hand until he fell asleep. Then we say in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. I laid my head on my mom and just cried. Emotion was overflowing. I was in pain from the accident, I was so sorry that I wrecked the four wheeler, and I was SO worried about Keith. After an eternity, the nurse came out and asked if I would come back, I was scared because she didn't say that he was awake. Just that I should go back to the recovery room. When I got back to the room I saw Keith laying there still asleep. The nurse told me that he was still asleep and he was having a hard time waking up. He woke up for a moment before the nurse came to get me, and asked for his wife (we had only been married like 3 weeks so I was excited about the wife thing). He i talked to him. He started to wake up, seeing him, seeing that he was okay. That made everything else okay too. I am blessed. Soooo very blessed.

And lastly, (though it should have been firstly) I am blessed because I was a blessing, blessed because I was chosen, picked for this wonderful, fabulous life that I have.  I was adopted by the most wonderful family. And I love them all so much!

and I have a great father who I love so much, he certainly
keeps me on my toes.

My life is like that Martina McBride song Blessed

Sorry for such a long blog post.

Happy Saturday

2 Thoughts:

Kels48 said...

"My logic in life is that you can never know true happiness unless you have felt true sorrow." I love that. You almost made me cry :(

April said...

I really love that picture of you and papa! And, this really brought back all of those memories from freshman year! I can't belive mama Jane has really been in remission for 4 years! you're a good person k! thanks for the post! :)

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