Saturday, September 12, 2015

My Name is Kayla

My name is Kayla. And this is a big step for me. I'm not one to air my laundry in public and CERTAINLY not on social media. But I need to say this, as an explanation to my friends and family.

I have Anxiety.

For the last several months, I have been having debilitating panic attacks.

I feel like I'm drowning; and there is no air.

I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. All the time.

I feel like I may lose all of you because I feel this way.

I am trying my best to keep it together, and now I am working to pick up the pieces.

I'm not writing this because I want your sympathy, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. Because I don't feel sorry for me. I will make it out of this stronger. 

I'm writing this as an explanation to my family and friends; if you feel like I'm flaky, rude, offish. I promise it's not because I'm doing it on purpose.

I'm just trying to hold myself together.

If it seems like I'm ignoring my responsibilities, invitations, or other things; I'm not.

I'm just trying to hold myself together.

I know that lots of you need/want me to do lots of things, and BELIEVE me, I want to do those things. But this giant elephant sitting on my chest, wants to hide in my house, locked away in the dark. Alone.

Please allow me a bit longer to gather myself. Please continue to love and support me, please forgive me for being absent. And please always know, even if I'm being flaky, offish, or strange; I love you, I appreciate you and your love and support for me.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.


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